j'ai été outrageusement approché par de jeunes demoiselles ( -2 ans par rapport à moi ) et je me tate à me lancer dans une opération dépucellage sachant que les 5 meufs voulaient de mon corps et hier j'ai revu mon coup de coeur annuel qui était dans une tenue donc je ne sais pas vers où diriger ma braguette

To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod Hate Me Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright

pour les anglix footnallix US vous aviez entendu parler de ça?

La flemme de tout lire je me suis arrêté après 4 paragraphes, expldr la rage

Putain le rageux de competition la

ENORME

Tout ca parce qu'il est nul dans un jeu vidéo

The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass

PTDR la rage
Il est si nul que ça ce joueur en vrai

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethan_Albright

je sais pas.
Selon wiki ca seais un fake

le texte

dans un autre style

http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/08/22/this-is-how-you-put-the-face-in-the-book/

Je vous kiffe les gars

Hacmen, aucun moyen que tu reviennes a top spin ?!

Non. Je vais déménager, aller en prépa et qui plus est, j'aurais pas de télé ^^

J'aurais aussi passer des bons moments avec kobe, jiibi, toi, duffy, totti et cie... mais je m'arrête là.

Désolé, j'exagère sur l'émotion mais je viens de passer ma dernière soirée avec ma bande de potes et j'ai les larmes aux yeux

Bonsoir amis pucix, premier post sur ce topic dantesque, je suis au courant d'à peu près tout parce que j'ai lu vos exploits ( ).

Y'a des pucix pour lire mon histoire

Présent

Ouais

Bon je me lance...

Nous t'écoutons

Alors voilà, j'ai 17 ans, bientôt 18, et j'ai jamais eu de copine, je suis du genre no life grotteux, et j'ai tendance à trop tailler les meufs (exemple: une meuf mange un sandwich au thon, je lui dis que c'est assorti à sa gueule ).

Là je suis en vacances depuis le 30 juillet avec mes parents, et sur le lieu de vacances on a des amis qu'on connait depuis une douzaine d'année, et ils ont une fille de 17 ans également... C'est d'ailleurs la seule meuf que j'ai embrassé jusque là

Donc on est très amis et tout, et hier pendant une conversations SMS de plus de 2h, elle l'avoue qu'elle aimerait qu'on soit "sex friend" Donc normalement demain soir je me lance

Je pensais faire une carrière de pucix à la oskitz